The End is the Beginning

At 4:00 in the afternoon of March 7th, I was called into my boss's office and informed that my presence at the company would no longer be required. Even if you are working at a job you don't love, it's still a giant blow to the ego to receive this kind of news. You are basically being told, "we are going to keep going as is, but you are not bringing enough to the table to warrant being kept around." Regardless of your age or occupation, this is a damaging message to hear. You have been deemed sub-par, unsatisfactory, not worthy of holding a position at this company. They are confident they can find someone better than you and keeping you would not be a wise investment. Good bye, thanks for everything, we made a mistake and we are fixing it now. We will not be a part of your life anymore.

This was the second time in just over a year that I had received news such as this. The messages were quite different, but the reality was the same...A boss or manager looking me in the eye and telling me that my time there was done. I left my second job with far less bitterness than I left the first, but another finality of employment termination cut me deep. The overwhelming personal sentiment of "I got screwed!" from last February had now been replaced by a new one:

"Maybe I just suck?"

I was fortunate enough to receive a referral for a contact at a new company for an open position. It was a business development role with an emphasis on relationship management and customer service, right in line with a favorite position from my past. I had an initial phone interview, followed by seven different interviews over the course of four days during the next three weeks. The people, the culture, the vibe all seemed perfect aligned with the person I am and what I wanted my professional experience to be. The constantly chased work hard/play hard motto seemed to legitimately exist there, and when I left the final interview, I felt confident, optimistic and excited that I had done everything possible to ensure I would be working there in the very near future.

Three days later, I received a generic, automated email from their recruiting department:

Our placement process is designed to carefully assess each applicant's skills, abilities, and interests relative to the career opportunity. After a thorough review of your background and skills,  we will continue our search and pursue other candidates.

This was a company that worked directly with consultants to make workplaces more effective through open and honest communication. And they didn't even have the decency or courtesy to make a phone call to share the news with me. Seven interviews. And a "thank you, but no" automated email in response. I kept waiting for the joke, the punchline, is candid camera still a thing?

But no, this was real. We really appreciate you taking the time to drive to our office four different times and spend eight hours in our building. Now, please go away and leave us alone.

It was a final straw of sorts. Fuck these interviews. Fuck managers. Fuck progress reports and mid year reviews. Fuck early morning and late afternoon meetings. Fuck metrics. Fuck hitting your numbers. Fuck office politics. Fuck staying late to catch up. Fuck a lack of accountability and communication. Fuck. It. All.

But now what?